Jealousy: The Emotion We Dont Like to Talk About (But Should)

Waterfall Contemplation's #2

I'm not usually a jealous person.
I can count on one hand the number of times I’ve truly felt jealousy in my life. But this past year… something shifted. Something happened in my life that turned it upside down. It’s been trying. Exciting. Scary. Fulfilling. Uplifting. Emotionally exhausting, even. And jealousy has reared its ugly head more times than I care to admit.

I’ve found myself reacting in ways I never expected. Feeling insecure in moments that used to feel solid. Questioning myself, my worth, and even the love I know exists in my life. I don’t want to be a jealous person. I don’t want to feel out of control. And yet, there were moments I did. Moments I felt irrational, overwhelmed, even crazy—and none of it felt good.

So, I started digging. I wanted to understand jealousy, not just shove it down. I wanted to learn where it comes from and how to take back my peace. I figured I’d turn what I’ve learned into a blog post—just in case it might help someone else who finds themselves in a similar season, when jealousy shows up uninvited, unannounced, and totally unmanageable.

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Jealousy: Why We Feel It

Jealousy. It’s the emotion no one wants to admit they feel, yet almost all of us do.

It can sneak in quietly—like a chill in the air you didn’t notice at first—or it can hit hard, fast, and full of fire. Maybe it’s the way someone looked at your partner. The way your best friend lights up when they’re with someone else. Or a small shift in attention that leaves you feeling unseen. Whatever the trigger, the ache of jealousy is real. And it hurts.

But here’s the thing: jealousy doesn’t make you weak. It makes you human.

At its core, jealousy is usually about fear—the fear of losing something you love, the fear of being replaced, the fear of not being enough. It’s a protective emotion. It’s your heart saying, “I care about this. This matters to me.”

Sometimes jealousy grows from insecurities we carry deep inside. When you don’t feel good about yourself, it’s easy to believe someone else could take your place. It’s easy to assume you’ll be left behind. And if you've ever been hurt before—lied to, cheated on, abandoned—jealousy can become your armor, always on alert, always bracing for the worst.

We don’t talk enough about how vulnerable jealousy makes us feel. We shame ourselves for feeling it. But instead of burying it, maybe we need to listen to it. Jealousy isn’t always a sign that something’s wrong with the relationship. Sometimes, it’s a sign that something inside of us needs healing. Maybe it’s a reminder to rebuild your self-worth. Maybe it’s a cry for honest conversation. Or maybe, just maybe, it’s asking you to stop comparing yourself to others altogether.

The truth is, we all want to feel chosen. Seen. Safe. Loved.

So the next time jealousy shows up, pause. Don’t push it away. Ask it what it’s really trying to say. And meet it not with shame, but with compassion.

Because jealousy doesn’t have to ruin love. It can be a chance to grow it—deeper, stronger, and more true.

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How to Gently Conquer Jealousy

If you’re ready to face jealousy head-on and take back your peace, here are some ways to begin:

1. Acknowledge it without shame.

Say it out loud to yourself: “I’m feeling jealous right now.” You don’t need to act on it or judge it—just noticing it with honesty is powerful.

2. Get to the root.

Ask yourself: What exactly am I afraid of? Is it being replaced? Not being enough? Losing love? Understanding the “why” gives you clarity—and clarity gives you control.

3. Strengthen your self-worth.

Jealousy often thrives in low self-esteem. Speak kindly to yourself. Do things that remind you of your value. Your worth is not diminished by someone else’s shine.

4. Communicate with honesty.

If jealousy is affecting your relationship, share it calmly and without blame. “When this happens, it makes me feel insecure. Can we talk about it?” Vulnerability creates intimacy, not weakness.

5. Stop comparing.

Whether it’s friends, strangers, or past relationships—comparison is the thief of peace. Focus on your journey, your growth, and your truth.

6. Focus on gratitude.

Instead of looking at what might be missing, focus on what you already have. Gratitude is grounding. It pulls you back to what is real.

7. Seek healing, not control.

Trying to control people or situations won’t fix jealousy—it just deepens the wound. Focus on building trust, not walls.

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You don’t have to be ruled by jealousy. You can learn from it, heal through it, and rise above it.
You deserve love that feels secure, not anxious.
And that starts with learning to feel secure in yourself.

You're not too much. You're not too sensitive. You're growing.
And that’s always something to be proud of.

~Aura